Digging Deeper to the Heart

It's interesting how the Lord sharpens and prunes us .... We begin to pray for transformation in different areas of our lives -- change may be immediate or over time -- but it seems that God usually begins to work on and in us when we least expect it. That's how God has been working in me lately.

I've been struggling with what I thought was self-control or the ability to tame my tongue for who knows how long. I would like to think that on most occasions I do control my tongue, but it's during those moments of frustration, many times unwarranted, with those that I love or during casual conversation with folks that I don't even know very well (strange, I know), that the ugliest parts of me are revealed. The most recent bout of this issue seemed to surface sometime in early November '09 (at least that's when I started journaling about it). I've been deep in scripture, looking for 'remedies' to the problem and praying like crazy, and I thought that I was getting somewhere. But these "instances" continued to surface.

It wasn't until a dear friend of mine called me out and asked me if my issue was really self-control or if it was more deeply rooted than just my tongue; that it was a heart issue. I was kinda caught off guard by her comment and became a bit upset. She began to explain that it sounded like a gospel issue -- that my heart was not reflecting the truth of the gospel. "What do you mean?" I thought. "How could that be, of course I know the gospel. Why wouldn't my heart communicate that?" But when I really thought about it, she was dead on. The root of all my insincere remarks and thoughts, unrighteous anger (as if my anger is ever righteous), and slanderous comments and/or thoughts about others is rooted in my lack of understanding of the gospel.

I call myself a Christian. I believe that I am a sinner and that no matter how hard I try I cannot save myself from my sin (Ephesians 2:8-9). Jesus, God's own Son, who is fully God, is the only perfect sacrifice that can save me and he did, that day on Calvary. He died for me and on the third day when He rose and ascended into heaven, I too was redeemed the day I believed. He made me a new creation and justified me. But scripture is very clear that the change in me cannot stop there. (Colossians 1:9-14; Ephesians 2:10) It's a way of life. Jesus' work on the cross was not just for justification purposes, it was for sanctification purposes too. And if I do not pursue the good works and righteousness that He has set out for me, I am neglecting His gift of sanctification and the chance to become more and more like Jesus during my life here on earth.

Therefore, when I say that I do not truly understand the gospel, it's not a misunderstanding of my salvation, but a lack of understanding of who Jesus is and the ways in which He calls me to be like Himself -- progressive sanctification. Obviously it will take me until heaven to truly understand the gospel -- the time when Jesus will open my eyes and allow me to see His full glory -- but it does mean that I must pursue righteousness that only comes from God and not my own foolishness today and for the rest of my time here on earth (Romans 6:18-19).

As I revisit my struggle in light of the gospel, all I can really say is that whatever comes out of my mouth or the thoughts that I stop from coming out of my mouth; if they're not pleasing to Jesus, I know that my heart needs some work. Self-control is an important discipline, but when the out pour of my heart is evil, it's my heart that needs to be fixed first and then I can visit self-control. If I'm not careful, self-control can just be a pretty mask that hides the evil within my heart.

Since I've come to this realization, the Lord has been faithful to heal and change my heart. I am so thankful that He has opened my eyes to this truth.

I deeply desire to be a godly woman of righteousness and one who possesses discretion and a heart that fully knows the gospel and allows it to permeate in all areas of my life. As women who desire to pursue godliness, I pray too that you would make this a prayer for your life as well. Your situation may look a little different than mine, but I believe that as we point each other to these truths, God will transform us into women that are more and more like Jesus every day, and who could ask for anything better? Philippians 1:9-11 speaks this prayer perfectly:

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God.

Dealing with Sin ... What Fun!

Sin is not something that I like to talk about or much less think about a whole lot. As a follower of Jesus, I obviously believe that I am sinner because Jesus says that I am in His Word and that's ultimately the reason why God sent him to earth, bottled up his godliness into human form to live the life that I couldn't live, died on the cross to pay for the sin that I couldn't pay for and rose again to give my blemished self new and eternal life. I know that I am sinner. But somehow, I live my life as if it's not always a big deal. Society doesn't emphasize it, why should I? (Eww ... so wrong!)

Not that I would outwardly communicate that my goal in life is to sin and gratify my fleshly desires as oppose to glorify the Lord ... but when I look at my behavior and my words and my thought life, I can't believe how easily I fool myself. My own mind is numb to the sinfulness of my heart and many times I can't even identify the sin in my life, much less verbally confess it and repent of it and plead with the Lord to help me not do it again. How terrible! If I'm a believer and spend time in the Word, shouldn't this be a natural out pour of my life? Maybe it's not so natural ... maybe it's something I really have to learn, become disciplined at and grow in. But if my heart was originally created in the image of God, there is hope for me, but it's going to take a lot of sin whittling to get there!

Somehow, the Lord has broken through the numbness of my mind in the last few weeks and has begun to point out the areas of my brokenness and how desperately I need the Holy Spirit to intervene! It's amazing how He can use marriage to reveal this truth in our lives! How great and how frustrating at the same time!

As I was really trying to address some of this stuff this morning, I stumbled across a fantastic sermon transcript from a pastor by the name of John MacArthur, Jr. of Grace Community Church in Panorama City, California. The sermon focuses on dealing with habitual sin. Now I'm always a bit weary to utilize and refer to resources that I am not familiar with, but after reading through this sermon transcript and referencing the scripture behind it, I feel that it is totally legit and worth studying. Funny thing, I have been a believer for about 20 years and I have never come across a better explanation of how to deal with my sin than this. I want to share some of the highlights of the sermon below and then I'd encourage you to check it out for yourself. It's definitely worth your time!

MacArthur focuses his sermon around Hebrews 12:1 by saying, "... let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." He uses this to simply express that as a fallen people, who are separated from God, sin is a part of who we are (Jeremiah 13:23), that our hearts our deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9), and that sin does not remain separate but it mingles in all of our motives and actions (Romans 7), regardless of how hard we try to separate our goodness and our sin.

This thought is not new to me at all, in fact that's what brought me to this place, but the question that I have and that MacArthur answers so well is, "How do we 'lay aside the sin that so easily entangles us'?" We see in 2 Corinthians 7:1, Ephesians 4:22, Romans 6:12 and 1 Peter 2:1 & 11 that we're commanded to do this. Sadly, I find myself wrestling with the same sin over and over. It may present itself in different situations, but when I look at the root of it, it's all the same, and I can't seem to move past it.

Now, I'm not saying that I never confess my sin and seek forgiveness ... that's not true at all, but as MacArthur communicates so well, my confession tends to be more periodic, prior to communion or when I'm seriously convicted rather than ongoing. And when this is the case, MacArthur says that we tend to walk away from those events with very little change in the pattern of our sinning. He says that we want to confess our sins and that we have the confidence that He is faithful and just to forgive, which is true of me, but that we don't take the steps toward a decreased load of sin -- where our list of sins becomes shorter and shorter because we're dealing with it on an ongoing basis. (Not that we ever stop sinning completely, but we're moving toward healthy, progressive sanctification.)

Here are the 8 steps that MacArthur identifies as ways to begin "laying aside our sin" or in reality, leaving it at the foot of the cross and pleading with Jesus to help us not do it again!

1. Don't underestimate the seriousness of sin. When I first read this, I thought to myself, "Oh, I know that my sin is a serious offense toward God," and began to read on. But darn it, if I really knew how serious the offense was, my life would look a lot different. I would try a lot harder NOT to sin! My heart would be so changed that the out pour of that change into my actions, words and thoughts would be very different. I think this is the same idea as knowing the Gospel. On the surface, we know it well, but when we look to see if it permeates every area of our life as a response to Christ's gift of grace to us, we quickly realize that we know a whole lot less about the Gospel than we think we do. It's time to hit the books (scripture, really) and get down on my knees.
   
   
2. Strongly purpose and promise God not to sin. Now at first, I was a little suspicious of this call. "How am I suppose to promise God that I won't sin again if I know that I am a sinner and cannot live a perfect life?" But MacArthur uses strong commands from scripture to support his point. Not that we won't sin again, but if progressive sanctification is our goal, and scripture says it should be (Romans 6:1-23), we need to seek forgiveness from sin and move forward aiming not to do it again. Psalm 119:106 -- "I have sworn, and I will confirm it, that I will keep Thy righteous ordinances." Psalm 119:32 -- "I shall run the way of Thy commandments, for Thou will enlarge my heart." Hmm, looks like Psalm 119 is just bursting with support and directives!
   
   In addition, verse 32 brings up a great point about endurance. I typically think of my faith as a growing test of endurance, not necessary my heart's capacity to strive toward righteousness. MacArthur says that this verse communicates the endurance that we need for our heart to push forward, to exceed limitations, or to enlarge. And when I think about this, it makes perfect sense ... God created my heart in His image, therefore my heart has the capacity for perfect obedience, without the existence of sin. I'm not going to get there while I'm on earth, but that doesn't mean that I can't be in training for that day and continually strive to strengthen my heart and it's capacity grow and change for good.
   
   
3. Be suspicious of your own spirituality. MacArthur references Job 31:1 and Proverbs 4:23 here. The verse from Proverbs particularly strikes a chord with me: "Watch over your heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life." Gracious, why am I not more careful of the things that I allow in my heart? MacArthur says that we need to "understand that except for the grace of God we would fall into any and every sin and we would be deceived so easily." Praise the Lord His gift of GRACE!
   
   
4. Resist the first risings of the flesh and its pleasures. MacArthur's biggest point here is to stop sin at it's conception not at it's birth. This will root out a great deal of sin and it's ability to penetrate into all areas of our life. MacArthur then reminds us that if we find ourselves sacrificing for ourselves and seeking pleasures that we desire, instead of what the Lord desires for us, we've already given in. This is huge ... I've got to stop and think ... it's not about me and what I want, it's about Jesus and what pleases him!
   
   
5. Meditate on the Word. MacArthur brings Psalm 37:31 to mind here: "The law of his God is in His heart; his steps do not slip." When a heart is controlled by the Word the steps don't slip. Hmm, I remember referencing this idea a few weeks ago in my post on Atheistic Enterprising. This again reminds me that if we're surrounded and immersed in God's Word, that's the stream that will out pour from our souls. If we're immersed in other things -- materialism, selfishness, fame, pride, etc. -- those things will take the place of godliness in our lives.
   
   MacArthur goes on to say that "It is the constant input of God's Word that begins to fill up the mind and control the thinking, and that alone becomes the strength and resource in us that can resist the initial impulses of the flesh." Psalm 119:9 & 10 and Colossians 3:16 are three great verses here.
   
   
6. Be immediately repentant over your lapses. Here's a big one for me: MacArthur notes that repentance is not just saying, "I'm sorry, Lord, forgive me," but rather, "I'm sorry, Lord, forgive me, and I don't want to do it again." We can't fool God about the genuineness of our hearts. Yikes! This is a tough one for me ... I feel like I earnestly come to the Lord seeking repentance but many times, I sinfully want to hold on to my sin because I like doing it. How awful is that! All that shows is that I'm deeply rooted in my sin and that I'd prefer my way [the sin] than God's way. But in reality, my way only leads to death and there is no life or hope in that! I simply need to realize that my longing for my way, which is sin, is just a false reality. Again, I was made in the image of God, God is not sinful but completely righteous, and I am lying to myself if I say that my heart longs to sin. That's the sin in me that's distorting God's true reality for me.
   
   MacArthur recommends that we name the sin that we're confessing and the related behavior to help keep our heart and ears accountable. If we hold back from naming the sin, we're essentially saying that we want to do it again and that's hypocritical before God! Yikes!
   
   
7. Continually pray for divine help. Colossians 4:2 is a beautiful reminder here: "Watch and pray for you know not when you are going to enter the hour of temptation." MacArthur recommends praying anticipatory prayer. "Lead me not into temptation today, and pray before the flesh begins to rise and entice."
   
   
8. Establish relationships with other believers to hold you accountable. Now this point is a good plug for accountability. For married folks, we know that marriage is really a litmus test for our sin ... there's not much that can slip by our spouses, but for the stuff that does, it's a good reminder to bring it up and be open and honest. Single and married folks alike, it is equally important to have friends that surround us that are going to hold us accountable to living the life that God calls us to. A staff member at Vintage21 Church, Lachlan Payne, just gave a great talk on this topic, and if you're interested in learning more about healthy, biblical accountability, take some time to listen. The important point he makes here, which is contrary to a lot of teaching on accountability, is that confession and prayer are not the only components, but it's 4 thronged: Intentionality, Confession, Prayer and Healing. Healing being the big kicker ... if you have confession and prayer without healing, it's not really worth the time.

* ADDENDUM: After reading through this post again, let me clarify that dealing with sin is not about US rooting out the 'evil' in our life ... but taking steps to actively pursue Jesus, seeking only his righteousness. If the former was communicated, that was not my intention. Rooting out the sin in our life is part of the process, but not on our own strength. It's really about trusting in Jesus' GRACE as we move forward -- seeking forgiveness and embracing the grace that he's already bestowed on us and not relying on our own strength or will. It obviously takes action to move toward progressive sanctification, not just idleness, but we have to keep our eyes focused on Jesus and dependent on Jesus the whole time or we're just focusing on our own ability not the Lord's to redeem us. (My husband was reminded of a relevant quote from C.S. Lewis on this matter and when he finds it, I'll post it in the comment section.)

What it Means to be a Helper

I am currently working through DeMoss' book, Biblical Womanhood in the Home, and I wouldn't say that I've had aaha moments during the entire read, but there are definitely many noteworthy portions and much to be learned from the book. One of these sections is on a woman's role as helper by Barbara Hughes. (The book is actually a compilation of articles/chapters from seven different woman ... DeMoss compiled them and edited the book.)

Now, I've recognized this role before and understood it to be part of my role as a godly woman, but I haven't fully gotten my head around it ... other than doing the obvious and helping my husband ... but that's kind of vague (this is part of the reason for my study on what it means to be a godly woman and for writing this blog).

But it's interesting because we see that the first mention of 'helper' in scripture comes at the very beginning, Genesis 2:18, when God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him," and this is right before He caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep and God created Eve from Adam's rib. Hughes says that this is where God established the foundation of marriage to communicate God's order and orchestrated it to be a reflection of the unity of God -- the three persons of the Godhead. Genesis 1:26 says, "Let us make man in our image," which reflects God's unity (Father, Son, Spirit) and the fact that He is not alone and is a God of relationship. Therefore, when God created man, he couldn't leave him alone either because God Himself is not alone and is relationship.

But even in God's unity, there is diversity ... diversity among the Father, Son and Spirit ... and that diversity yields differing roles even within the Godhead. And when God created man in his own image, He designed male and female to have their own roles too.

I am a complementarian, so the idea that men and women were designed to have different roles totally makes sense to me, but to then realize that the reason for that design is because we've been created in the image of God ... because God in and of Himself has different roles ... makes the idea of complementarianism even that more awesome!

And one of the roles that we see that God has created us for is to be a helper. Hughes says that as women "our blood pressure [seems to] rise at the mention of the word helper .... [because] No one wants to play second fiddle. But the fact is, without a second violin there is no harmony."

So, what does it mean to be a helper?

Hughes says that from the example we see in the Garden of Eden, Eve was supposed to help Adam. She was supposed to help him carry out God's order to rule and subdue the earth. She however failed and submitted to Satan instead. To live contrary to Eve, with Christ's help, Hughes says, "Our task is to encourage our husbands to obey God's Word and will for their lives." And when we see the word 'encourage,' we are to do so in the manner of the Holy Spirit, for God also called Him "another Helper" (John 14:16, NASB). Hughes says, "Trace the Holy Spirit's actions through the New Testament, and you'll find the Spirit repeatedly encouraging, comforting, coming alongside, and helping." And we see in 1 Peter 3:4 that we're to do this with the "unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit" and with humility (Mat. 11:29, NASB) and respect (Eph. 5:33b).

I find that it's easy at times to be the 'encourager' and 'comforter', but my sinfulness gives way ill-motives at times and my encouraging and comforting is solely done to accomplish my own desires, not that of my husband or the Lord. To remember that the Holy Spirit is the ultimate Helper is a beautiful reminder of the pureness of heart that needs to be present to perform my role well. (And to also think back to the new person (Eph. 4:22-24) that I am in Christ ... realizing that truth every day and pleading for God's help daily will be the keys to make this possible.) If performed with ill-motives, my 'helping' will only lead to folly and I will lead my husband and my family to eat poisonous apples like Eve!

Wow, there's a lot to learn here, but at least we have the stepping stones in place to begin our journey! Enjoy the ride with me!

A Critique of The Women

About a month or so ago when my husband was out of town, I decided to treat myself to a good 'ole chick flick after the youngster was in bed. I'm not really up on the latest chick flicks these days, so when I browsed through my options on Red Box, I chose The Women, which came out late 2008 and was apparently a re-make of the original from 1939 and an earlier Broadway hit. (I didn't know that at the time.) But with Meg Ryan, Annette Bening, Eva Mendes and a brief appearance of Bett Midler, I thought it would be fairly entertaining.

While it was entertaining, my mind swarmed of all the truths that I have been learning lately about what it means to be a godly woman. (I'm sure that if I really thought about it, most films today would contradict that truth, but this one particularly bothered me.) Not necessarily because of the gossip, lying and cheating that took place (not to downplay those issues), but the real winner that hit home for me was how Meg Ryan's character (Mary Heines) viewed her marriage and how she reacted to adversity in that marriage.

In the film, she was apparently the "stable" one -- the one with the rich husband, the nice house, the daughter, the nanny and the housekeeper. And in the middle of all of that, she held a pretty high-up position in her father's fashion design company. But when she found out that her husband was cheating on her, she began to question everything that she had done for the past 15+ years of marriage. Why did she do everything for her family, instead of herself? (At the beginning of the movie, she is portrayed as a frumpy wife who gets walked all over and has no backbone.) Why did she need a man in her life to feel 'secure'? And by the end of the film, we see her transform into a "successful", independent woman, who wins her husband back. And the defining moment for her is when her husband apologizes and asks her to come back, and her response is, "If you can live with the new me and support my new life." (not exact words, but you get the point.) And when she takes him back, her friends praise her for standing her ground and becoming the independent, successful woman that she had become. In fact, part of the movie summary says that the film depicts "what it means to be a today's woman." This is what made me think about everything that I have been learning, and how our culture, in many ways, advocates the exact opposite.

There are many things I could critique about this film and how it's not biblical, but I'm not going to do that. I just want to briefly touch on how a biblical woman should live life differently than Mary Heines in this film according to a few things I've been reading lately.

Contrary to culture, a woman can have much joy from serving her family and loving and supporting her husband (we see this in Proverbs 31:28, 31), even when it's God's command for us ... it doesn't have to be a chore and it's not something that causes us to loose our identity, but rather gain a greater identity in the union of marriage as "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

However, if we're not careful, we can allow this part of our role -- serving our families and loving and supporting our husbands -- to become a chore if we do not constantly look to Jesus for his example, strength and renewal. Ephesians 4:20-24 speaks well about this:

²⁰You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. [Speaking of the hardening of hearts that the Gentiles experienced.] ²¹Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. ²²You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; ²³to be made new in the attitude of your minds; ²⁴and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

It's interesting, when I read this recently, I realized that this is the section of scripture right before Ephesians 5 (duh) and the directives about submission. (For some reason, I never put the two chapters together.) And if we realize the truth in Ephesians 4:22-24, we will realize the new self that we are in Jesus and forgo the ways of our old self (see also Romans 6:6), including the tendencies to do what is in our best interest and what we want (the example we see in the film) ... but what God wants for us, our husbands, our marriages -- true righteousness and holiness. (This is the beautiful part ... when we live a life as our new self, the idea of submission seems much more feasible, and that's how God designed it! Hence, that's why chapter 4 comes before 5 :).

This is very contrary to what was depicted in the film and the film is a fantastic example of what happens when we allow our "... old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires, ..." to manifest and be our way of life. And I find that when this is true of me, I need to proclaim the truth of 2 Corinthians 10:5b and "... take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

Second, if we look at Proverbs 31, we see very tangible examples of life contrary to The Women - a life that gives us an opportunity to bear much fruit and glorify God:

1. Her husband has full confidence in her (vs. 11)
   
2. She does her husband good not harm (vs. 12)
   
3. She is a good steward of the money her husband gives her and increases its gain
4. She labors over her household to make it a "nice" home (vs. 17, 27)
   
5. She speaks the promises of God to her husband and uplifts him (vs. 26)
   
6. She is not idle and labors over her marriage (vs. 26, 27)

There is obviously a lot more to unpack from Proverbs 31, but I think this is what is most pertinent to this critique.

Finally, my intent is not to bash this movie or convince you not to see ... it's simply just to communicate my frustrations with the examples of womanhood that our culture gives us and to combat those examples with biblical truth -- the truth that I'm gradually learning and that I yearn with all my being to make a reality in my life, even though I fail miserable day after day after day.