Following Jesus' Example First

I write a lot on this blog about how I desire to become more and more like Jesus, and that's truly what I want for my life.

I just read an interesting blog post from Practical Theology for Women, titled Equipping Women for Gospel-Centered Lives, and I came across something that I've never thought about before. As we pursue godly womanhood and desire to become more and more like Jesus, we have to ALWAYS put Jesus before us and nothing else. We can study about how other women have pursued Jesus and have walked down the road toward godly womanhood, but we have to remember that our end-goal is not to become those women, but to become like Jesus. Here's a quote from the blog that I was reading:

Day in and day out, I hear from woman after woman who doesn’t fit the mold, perhaps by her choice but more often by circumstances completely out of her control, who feels lost in our evangelical construct of what the godly woman looks like. The problem is that she was not taught clearly that the image in which she was created is God’s and the image to which she is now being conformed is Christ’s. She feels pressure to be like Ruth or the Proverbs 31 woman but not so much to be like Christ. But Scripture doesn’t give us that leeway. She was created in God's image and is being conformed back to Christ's. Period.

Obviously, if learning about the practices of those women and how their struggles and successes helped them become more like Jesus, than studying their lives is only healthy. But it's when we set our sights on becoming those women that we're going to get ourselves in trouble. The Proverbs 31 woman was a godly woman, but still sinful! Her works and disciplines are to be admired and something that we can strive to achieve, with Jesus' help. But we must ALWAYS remember that it's about Jesus. And whether or not our lives resembles attributes of the Proverbs 31 woman or Sarah or Esther at the end of our lives (seeking godliness should produce fruit similar to that in these women), as long as we pursue Jesus -- it will be His character and His grace that will shine through us to transform us into the women after God's own heart. If following the example of the Proverbs 31 woman helps us get there ... great. That's why her story was included in scripture. But that should be secondary to how we pursue a life like Jesus.

Digging Deeper to the Heart

It's interesting how the Lord sharpens and prunes us .... We begin to pray for transformation in different areas of our lives -- change may be immediate or over time -- but it seems that God usually begins to work on and in us when we least expect it. That's how God has been working in me lately.

I've been struggling with what I thought was self-control or the ability to tame my tongue for who knows how long. I would like to think that on most occasions I do control my tongue, but it's during those moments of frustration, many times unwarranted, with those that I love or during casual conversation with folks that I don't even know very well (strange, I know), that the ugliest parts of me are revealed. The most recent bout of this issue seemed to surface sometime in early November '09 (at least that's when I started journaling about it). I've been deep in scripture, looking for 'remedies' to the problem and praying like crazy, and I thought that I was getting somewhere. But these "instances" continued to surface.

It wasn't until a dear friend of mine called me out and asked me if my issue was really self-control or if it was more deeply rooted than just my tongue; that it was a heart issue. I was kinda caught off guard by her comment and became a bit upset. She began to explain that it sounded like a gospel issue -- that my heart was not reflecting the truth of the gospel. "What do you mean?" I thought. "How could that be, of course I know the gospel. Why wouldn't my heart communicate that?" But when I really thought about it, she was dead on. The root of all my insincere remarks and thoughts, unrighteous anger (as if my anger is ever righteous), and slanderous comments and/or thoughts about others is rooted in my lack of understanding of the gospel.

I call myself a Christian. I believe that I am a sinner and that no matter how hard I try I cannot save myself from my sin (Ephesians 2:8-9). Jesus, God's own Son, who is fully God, is the only perfect sacrifice that can save me and he did, that day on Calvary. He died for me and on the third day when He rose and ascended into heaven, I too was redeemed the day I believed. He made me a new creation and justified me. But scripture is very clear that the change in me cannot stop there. (Colossians 1:9-14; Ephesians 2:10) It's a way of life. Jesus' work on the cross was not just for justification purposes, it was for sanctification purposes too. And if I do not pursue the good works and righteousness that He has set out for me, I am neglecting His gift of sanctification and the chance to become more and more like Jesus during my life here on earth.

Therefore, when I say that I do not truly understand the gospel, it's not a misunderstanding of my salvation, but a lack of understanding of who Jesus is and the ways in which He calls me to be like Himself -- progressive sanctification. Obviously it will take me until heaven to truly understand the gospel -- the time when Jesus will open my eyes and allow me to see His full glory -- but it does mean that I must pursue righteousness that only comes from God and not my own foolishness today and for the rest of my time here on earth (Romans 6:18-19).

As I revisit my struggle in light of the gospel, all I can really say is that whatever comes out of my mouth or the thoughts that I stop from coming out of my mouth; if they're not pleasing to Jesus, I know that my heart needs some work. Self-control is an important discipline, but when the out pour of my heart is evil, it's my heart that needs to be fixed first and then I can visit self-control. If I'm not careful, self-control can just be a pretty mask that hides the evil within my heart.

Since I've come to this realization, the Lord has been faithful to heal and change my heart. I am so thankful that He has opened my eyes to this truth.

I deeply desire to be a godly woman of righteousness and one who possesses discretion and a heart that fully knows the gospel and allows it to permeate in all areas of my life. As women who desire to pursue godliness, I pray too that you would make this a prayer for your life as well. Your situation may look a little different than mine, but I believe that as we point each other to these truths, God will transform us into women that are more and more like Jesus every day, and who could ask for anything better? Philippians 1:9-11 speaks this prayer perfectly:

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God.

True Woman | True Woman Videos: "We're all feminists"

I stumbled across this video today and think it's a great perspective on feminism. Enjoy!
True Woman | True Woman Videos: "We're all feminists"

Body Image

Do any of you receive the Proverbs 31 Ministries' Encouragement for Today emails? Well, my mom does and she shared this one with me on Friday. I think it hits home for most of us, regardless of our age or how many kids (or not) we've had, and it's is a fantastic reminder that we are God's daughters. God created every inch of our bodies and He thinks we're beautiful.

There's obviously a certain level of care we need to take with our bodies because they're not our own, they're a temple for the Holy Spirit, but when we become obsessive and elevate body image over God and make it our idol, we're truly missing the mark.

Jesus extends grace upon grace to us and has already freed us from that bondage on the cross. So, we just need to accept that grace and pursue Jesus with our lives and allow Him to be our measure of beauty and not our own expectations or those that we perceive from the world.

Here's the Body Image email from Proverbs 31 Ministries, written by T. Suzanne Eller. Thought you ladies would enjoy it:

"Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now." 1 Corinthians 13:12 (NLT)

I walked by the mirror in the department store. I stopped, backed up, and took a second look. Was that really me? I was nearly nine months pregnant with twins and looked like Mrs. Potato Head. My arms and legs stuck out of a huge protruding stomach. My belly button looked like a cork ready to pop!

A few days later Ryan and Melissa arrived. I loved my babies! But as the months passed, I didn't love my body with all its stretch marks and a baby bump that remained no matter how hard I tried to get rid of them.

Flash forward twenty-five years. Melissa loves to serve as Mom's fashionista, and tries to keep me up with the times. One day she and I were shopping for a pair of jeans and she'd picked out a couple of things she wanted me to try on. She knocked on the door of the dressing room. "Let me in, Mom."

I cracked open the door. "I'll be out in a minute, hon."

She frowned. Later she confronted me. "Mom, you were hiding your stomach, weren't you? I don't get it. You just need to get over it."

How many times have I met a truly beautiful woman and complemented her, only to hear her say, "Well, thank you, but I need to lose five pounds," or "I'm having a crazy hair day," or "Did you see that woman over there, now she's beautiful." What I saw was a smile that was warm and welcoming, or beautiful hazel eyes that were filled with compassion, or a woman who was frugal and fabulous. My complements were sincere, but fell flat as she f ocused on her flaws instead.
My conversation with Melissa that day reminded me that I was doing the same thing. Worse, I was modeling this behavior in front of my daughter.

The truth is that I'm healthy. I have given birth to three beautiful children. And more importantly, I'm God's girl. I'm beautifully made in His image. That's a fact etched on my heart and my mind.

Now if only someone would remind my mouth.

In Bible times ancient mirrors were polished metal, easily tarnished, and the reflection was hard to see. If a woman had a flaw, she had to rely on her friends or sisters to give her a head's up.
But today we can scope out our features in detail with three-way mirrors or a 5x-, 10x-, or even 15x magnified mirror where every pore and every flaw is magnified! Too often, those mirrors are reminders of the cultural message of what beauty is - or is not.

But what would happen if we focused on the mirror Paul is talking about in 1 Corinthians 13:12 instead? The more we get to know God, the clearer things become. We stop checking out our own image and discover more about Him. That helps us see the bigger picture—5X-, 10X-, and maybe even 15X magnified!

And there's a bonus. The more we get to know Him, the more others see us through His reflection.

Now, that's real beauty.

Dear God, I am made in Your image. I matter to You. Make me wise. Let me be grateful for physical healthy. Will You join me as I pursue joy, wisdom, peace, and selflessness? I want to look like You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Godly Women on Mission

A few weeks ago at the women's ministry meeting at church a woman brought up a fabulous question about pursuing godly womanhood in regards to missionality. She asked if it was appropriate that once we begin to understand what God's call is for us as women, that we begin to live it out in a way that affects women who don't know Jesus yet -- use what we know to help other women love their families well, respect their husbands, and bring up their children in the ways of the Lord. And yes, that couldn't be more appropriate! This does, however, seem like a daunting task because it seems like it would take so long just to communicate Jesus to the woman (at least that's how I feel at times), and it would take even longer to influence her in such a way that she wants to shape her life around Jesus and build her family on Jesus. But what am I thinking, Jesus is in control ... all we have to do is TRUST him. He's the one with the power to do all things, so why shouldn't we be pursuing other women in this way so that they not only come to know Jesus themselves, but introduce their family to him as well!

I began thinking about this again after studying Mark 6:30-44. (Yes, I know this passage is about feeding the five thousand, but hang with me.) The verse that really did it for me was verse 37:

But he answered, "You give them something to eat."
They said to him, "That would take eight months of a man's wages! Are we to go and spend that much on bread and give it to them to eat?"

Here, we see that when Jesus presented a need to the disciples (feed five thousand people), they automatically thought that Jesus wanted them to take care of the situation in their own strength. Most of the time, this would be my reaction too. If we go back to my initial point about loving other women well who don't know Jesus, I would naturally think, "Ok Lord, I see that you want me to build a relationship with __________. But wow, that's going to take a lot of time and maybe money to invest in her. I don't know if I have that to give, but I'll see what I can do." Hmm, sounds similar to the disciples response, huh?

But as the passage continues, we see that Jesus instructs them, graciously and compassionately, on how to take care of the need. He doesn't require them to spend the eight-months wage (money they don't have) or even buy the food needed to feed the people. He doesn't even say, "Of course not, I'll take care of it." Rather, he simply instructs them on how to go about taking care of the need (Mark 6: 38-44).

This particularly struck me because our financial situation has changed dramatically in the past year since I chose to follow God's call for me and stay at home with my son full time, causing us to "lose" an income, and then even more so since my husband followed God's lead and changed jobs. (I'm not complaining, but I'm just being honest about where we are. In fact, I know with certainty that the Lord is using this time to challenge me and my false securities so that I begin to give everything to Him!) But after reading this passage, my response to live missionality or even generously with other women around me shouldn't be based on money at all. Jesus is very clear about that in this passage. He's basically saying, "It's not about what you can give at all. It's about trusting in ME to fulfill that need. My spirit lives within you and enables you to do the work that only I can do (1 Corinthians 12:4-7). Just trust me and believe!" If that need requires money, God will provide. If it requires time, God will help us re-prioritize our day to give more time. Etc.

Of course the Bible is also very clear that everything belongs to Jesus anyway (Psalm 24:1, Psalm 50:12, Haggai 2:8) -- our time, our money, our possessions ... everything! So when we think about giving those things, they aren't really ours to give anyway. We're only stewards of those things -- be it a lot of money or a little -- and we should give it back to the Lord willingly in response to the grace he's shown us. I believe this is a different conversation, but one that requires us to place our trust in Jesus as well. If we trust Jesus with our whole lives, our only response should be, "It's all yours Jesus, do with it as you want. Thanks for using me in the process!"

And when it all boils down, regardless of our financial situation or schedule, we should be able to say that Jesus is enough ... period, and allow that truth alone to compel us to change our cities for Him, regardless of the cost!

If you want to explore stewardship a bit more, Deuteronomy 8:17-18 and 1 Corinthians 4:7 are good places to start.

God's Best for Single Women

Are you a single woman who is looking for sound theology on what your current life season should look like as you pursue the Lord and His plans for you? I'm in the process of digging into some resources and learning more about godly singleness (whether that's a place of longing to marry one day or if it's God's life call) to help strengthen that area of Mark of Beauty, and I stumbled across Boundless Webzine. It's a resource from Focus on the Family and it looks like the creator, Candace Watters (and her husband), collaborates with many of the women whom I look to for sound resources on godly womanhood, so this looks to be a solid find. As I was scrolling through the list of topics that this webzine covers, I found a nice handful of articles on singleness. To dive in, follow the link and scroll down to recent articles. I haven't read them all yet, but just by browsing through some of them and the titles and descriptions of others, it looks like there's some good stuff here.

For instance, here's a great point that Suzanne Hadley makes in her article, Vessel of Honor:

So how can we adopt a balanced view of God's intention for marriage and singleness?

First we must realize that God's will for people isn't dependent on marital status. Both faithful marriage and chaste singleness proclaim God. Marriage is an earthly reflection of the union with Christ and other believers awaiting us in heaven. Celibate singleness declares that ultimate union by forgoing sexual union on earth for a season — or, in special cases, for a lifetime.

Ephesians 5:25-27 says:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

By loving their spouses devotedly, married men and women demonstrate on a small scale Christ's love for the church. And by keeping themselves pure, singles express the significance of Christ's coming union with His church (a moment fraught with such greatness that the trials of denying the flesh in this life pale in comparison). In both states — singleness and marriage — a believer reflects Christ through a lifestyle of self-giving.

At this time, I do that by serving the people God has placed in my life — friends, the kids in my Sunday school class, my housemate. In the future, I may fulfill this calling by serving a husband and children. Now I minister as an individual; in the future, I may minister through a family unit. In both states, my life testifies to God's miraculous plan as I pour it out for His use.

I think this is right on and worth exploring more deeply. If you have the time to read any of this stuff -- more from Suzanne Hadley or from other authors featured in this section in the Boundless Webzine -- I would challenge you to go for it. Feel free to leave a comment and let us know how the reading goes.

The 5:00 Club

Well, I can't say that I'm really in the 5 AM club ... it's actually more like the 6:30 AM club at my house, but either way, here's the jist.

A month or so ago I wrote about my need to get up early, have my quiet time and spend time with the Lord to prepare myself for the day, so that I am on top of my game and in a place where I can put the Lord before me on all my days' decisions, plans, thoughts, emotions, etc. I can't say that I am very successful at giving the Lord all of my decisions, plans, thoughts, emotions, etc. yet ... that probably won't come in this life, but at least I'm starting down that road. For me, this starts at 6:30 AM.

I've been setting my alarm for 6:30 the past few weeks and so far it's working out fairly well. I may hit the snooze a time or two, but for the most part, I've been able to get up, get my coffee, make my husband his lunch and dive into scripture. I may only have 15 or 30 minutes, depending on the internal alarm of my 15-month-old, but it's enough time right now to lay my day at Jesus' feet and ask Him to equip me with what I need for the day -- patience, gentleness, a gracious spirit like Jesus, the ability to love my family well, the ability to manage my time well so that I can be effective for the gospel, etc.

So far, I can see a huge difference in the way my days play out. I obviously have to continue to pray throughout the day or my efforts just become self-centered again -- which happens all too often -- but I'm at least able to start off well and ask Jesus to give me his perspective for the day.

You may be wondering why the tile of this post is call "The 5:00 Club"? Well, I didn't actually know about this until yesterday, but it's a club that the Mahaney ladies of girltalk formed back in 2006 to hold each other accountable to wake up early and prepare themselves for the day. Nicole Whitacre, one of the Mahaney ladies explains it this way: "I want to stress that this will look different for everyone! The point is not that really godly women get up at 5:00 a.m.! Nowhere in the Bible will you find such a principle. The point is that there are great benefits to rising early—both for your spiritual life and the good of your family. And there are Scriptures that encourage this practice (Psalm 5:3, Prov. 31:15, Mark 1:35). But “early” will look different for every woman reading this post!" So, if the Lord is tugging on your heart, like He did mine, to encourage you to rise early and spend time with the Lord, I would encourage you to read more about The 5:00 Club and take the challenge. As I'm finding, it's revolutionizing my days for the Lord, and I think it will do the same for you.

If you decide to give it a try, feel free to post your comments about how it's going for you under this post or on our Facebook page. I think it would be really encouraging for all of us to see how the Lord is working in our lives and how He's changing us to be more like Jesus.

Movement Toward Women's Ministry

We had our first meeting in a long time toward building a women's ministry at Vintage21 Church yesterday. (There have been many attempts to get this kind of thing running over the course of our history ... 7 years to be exact ... but nothing ever quite stuck and things slowly fizzled out.) So, needless to say, I was a little wary going into this meeting, but it turned out to be excellent!

I feel that in many cases, women's minsitry in general seems to be very pragmatic and program-driven and is not interwoven into the DNA of a church and it's mission. It tends to be a ministry that wants to empower and build it's women, but not propel them toward the gospel in everything it does and build the kingdom. Not that I have a whole lot of experience with women's ministry, so I could be wrong, but that's my overall impression.

The beautiful reality that came out of yesterday's meeting is that our elders stated the importance and absolute need for this ministry to be gospel-centered in all it does, and not just be a sin-management program. And so the elders are going to begin building this ministry at the root level by identifying the fruit that the Bible says a biblical woman should possess and move backward to develop systems and structures to make that happen -- one that leads to mission ... pointing women toward the truth of the gospel at all times and equipping them to go out and love other women well so that those women, who may or may not know Jesus, have an opportunity to see Him more clearly. How beautiful! I'm siked to be a part of this process!

Join me in praying for this ministry and that God would bring the right people to begin laboring for it and leading it!

In relation to this, I was reading over some stuff about missionality this morning. If you're not familiar with the term missionality, or missional living, it basically means that we should adapt and reformulate the way we [the church and it's people] do absolutely everything in worship, discipleship, community, and service -- so as to engage with the Non-Christian society around us. (This is very relevant to us as women because we have the beautiful opportunity to share with women who don't know Jesus, or who do for that matter, the beautiful design and purpose that He has for them that is contrary to the feminist ideology that is so present in today's society. We have the opportunity to adapt the way we live, to live and breathe scripture, but to be relevant within our culture so that we can take Jesus to the women around us gently, lovingly, authentically, and humbly.) Pastor Tim Keller of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York has a great paper on this (not necessary directed toward women in general, but it definitely applies). If you're interested in learning more, I would encourage you to check it out!

Revisiting Mary & Martha ...

I was browsing through my blogroll this evening and I noticed that girltalk just published a post called 'A Martha Moment,' and I quickly thought back to my post a few weeks ago about Atheistic Enterprising. I was encouraged to read that I'm not alone in this issue and that there's hope to rise out of a mere Martha-like serving mentality and into a Mary-like devotion to Jesus.

If you're interested in this, I would encourage you to follow girltalk this week. I'm sure that Carolyn Mahaney has a wealth of information to share.

The Beauty of Submission, Part 3

It's interesting ... I just finished the last two chapters of Feminine Appeal last night and guess what one of those chapters was called? The Beauty of Submission ... how appropriate! I promise I didn't read ahead or catch a sneak peek before I started this submission series.

I haven't had the chance to dive into Genesis like I had mentioned last week, but with the bit of study that I ventured into last week, I believe that Mahaney's wisdom ties up many of the loose ends for me that I was unsure about in 1 Peter 3:6, where we see that Peter uses Sarah as the example for us to follow:

5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

As we look at Sarah's life in Genesis, we see that even though she acted in obedience to her husband, Abraham, and accompanied him on a long journey from their home in Ur to unknown places, where she did indeed trust God to lead Abraham, she still failed many crucial times.

1. Not standing up for truth when Abraham asked her to "act" like his sister, not his wife, so that Pharaoh would spare his life and give him wealth
   
   
2. Recommending and having Abraham marry Hagar so that he could have a child with her to be his heir ... failing to believe God's promise to her and Abraham ... ultimately causing bitterness between she and Hagar and introducing violent hostility between two peoples, Ishmael and Isaac, that has evolved into the Arab-Israel conflict today
   

But despite this sin (and maybe her 'good' intentions at times), God's faithfulness was greater. God still chose to bless Abraham and Sarah, and we see this as he gives them new names, a great covenant that they will be the father and mother of great nations in Genesis 17, and that Sarah will bear their child, Isaac, at 91 years old.

And the beauty of Peter's example here is that he does use Sarah, a woman who has screwed up, but even in the midst of her sin and after pursuing forgiveness, continues to put her trust in God, over her husband to do what's best for her. Mahaney says this:

Sarah's story doesn't end in failure. By the time she gave birth to Isaac -- a full fifteen years later -- God had performed a momentous work of grace in her life. Her lack of trust in God matured into a robust faith. In fact, she is one of only two women listed among the Hebrews 11 'heroes of faith.'

This God who transformed Sarah's disbelieving heart can do the same for us. If we embrace his plan for our lives and purpose to obey His commands, He will develop in us the beauty of submission. He will enable us to trust Him to lead our husbands to lead us.

How beautiful is that! That even at 91+ years of age, God still chose to use Sarah and to change her for His glory. So much for the saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." Sarah was definitely an old dog (no derogatory meaning implied)! And I think the encouraging thing for us here is that regardless if we've been married for a year, 10 years or 50 years, we ALL still need God's grace to submit well. Hopefully at the 50 year mark (and before) our hearts will be more soft and our attitudes will be more gentle to submit well, but we're all in need of the same grace and it's only through that grace and submission to the Lord that submission to our husbands will ever be beautiful. And it's also through that grace and reliance on the Lord that we can stand firm and "not give way to fear" as we continue down this journey.

Stay tuned ... I think I'll take one more post to wrap up this submission series, but in the mean time, here's what looks to be a great resource on Sarah and Abraham if you're interested in diving in deeper: http://bible.org/seriespage/yes-my-lord%E2%80%94-ithe-story-abraham-and-sarahi.

The Beauty of Submission, Part 2

Continuing on into my study of 1 Peter 3:1-6 from last week, I'll take some time to "talk" through verses 5 & 6. Here are verses 5 & 6:

⁵For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, ⁶like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

(Note: If you're just chiming in for the first time, go back to last week's post, The Beauty of Submission, Part 1, before reading this because there's a lot of good meat in the previous 4 verses that I discuss in that post, and I'll use some of that information to further discuss these last two verses of my study.)

Let me begin by saying that I'm very thankful that Peter reminds us here that we're not the only ones who are called to submit and learn to be godly women ... ALL "the holy women of the past who put their hope in God" did the same thing! We have lots of examples to follow. Praise the Lord! And Peter even gives us a specific example, Sarah.

Now I had originally hoped to wrap up this study with Part 2, but after diving into Genesis to learn more about Sarah and Abraham, I'm not sure that I can just wrap all of this up in this post. I'm confronted with many questions about Sarah and Abraham's disobedience and God's ultimate faithfulness and blessing toward them. So, I think I'm going to need more time to study Sarah and figure out how to follow her example ... aside from just reading Peter's words and understanding that she was obedient to Abraham and called him her 'master'.

I began my study of Sarah in Genesis 12, so if you would like to read along with me and comment when the time comes, hopefully next week, to post Part 3, feel free.

The Beauty of Submission, Part 1

Ok, Ok ... I know that some of you are reading this and are smirking and saying, "what is beautiful about submission?" But I'm happy to say that because God designed us to be 'submissive' beings (1 Peter 2:13), that when his design is lived out as He intended it to be, it is indeed beautiful! (Jesus even submitted to his parents and to God!) I certainly don't have the whole submission thing down yet, but I'm learning and as I see glimpses of it working out like the way I see it in scripture, I'm in awe of God's design!

Unfortunately, our culture would have us believe that submission is the lack of freedom and ushers in inequality and the free reign to demean women, but I know that biblical submission is very contrary to that. If we do not conform to the lies of this world (1 Peter 1:14) any longer and seek the truth of God, we will find true freedom, true equality and blessing as women!

I have wanted to blog about submission for a while now because I believe that submission plays such an essential part of who we are as women and in our understanding of who we're suppose to be and what our role is ... but the cultural faux pas against submission and my lack of understanding on the subject scared me away. This morning, however, I was diving into 1 Peter 1-3 and I feel like God gave me a greater understanding through this passage and related commentary about this widely debated topic. So, without further ado, here we go ...

Submission In the Garden
If we first go back to Genesis 2 when God created Adam and Eve, we can see how God's sense of 'order' among humanity first came into being when God took one of Adam's ribs and made woman from that rib and brought her to man. In David Guzik's commentary, he says this:

God brought Eve to Adam and created Eve out of Adam. He was first, he is the source, and he is the head. She was created to be a helper perfectly suited to him. Thus, the subordinate relationship of wives to husbands is found before the curse, not only after it.

And in this sense of 'order' that God depicts through submission, we have to remember that since we -- male & female -- are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), we depict the masculine and feminine qualities of God and the trinity, and also exemplify God's order of design through the roles that He created us to have: male = head, female = helper. However, just because our roles are different, neither one is of greater value or importance than the other. Both roles play an essential role in God's design. Guzik has this to say about it:

... submission to authority can be totally consistent with equality in importance, dignity, and honor. Jesus was subject to his parents and to God the Father, but was not lower than either of them. 'Thus the command to wives to be subject to their husbands should never be taken to imply inferior personhood or spirituality, or lesser importance.' (Grudem)

So, even from the beginning, God demonstrates his design for submission through Adam and Eve, but we see all too quickly that Eve gives way to her curiosity and abandons her role as Adam's helper (Genesis 2:18) -- to help him rule and subdue the earth -- when she wanders off and stumbles upon the crafty serpent (Genesis 3).

Now, I'm not sure what really went down between Eve and the serpent, other than what Genesis 3 tells us, but if I put Eve into a woman's shoes these days, I can only imagine that Eve was telling Adam, "I have everything under control. You just sit there, watch Animal Planet and I'll take care of everything." Does that sound familiar? I know that I've said things like that before, and it's not coming from a servant's heart ... it's coming from a woman who wants to take control and feed my husband's natural inclination toward apathy. (I'm not saying this specifically about my husband in general, but it seems like a man's greatest sin is apathy and a woman's greatest sin is to devour her husband as she tries to take control and say whatever the heck rolls off her tongue (Proverbs 11:22).) This may or may not have happened during the Fall, but either way, we see God's design for submission here and because of our brokenness, our natural inclination is always going to be to rebel from it ... heck, it's not something that the world advocates so why should it matter to us? Well, submission does matter to God because His design is perfect and He knows what's best for us! Let's dig a little deeper ....

A Look Into 1 Peter 3
When I typically think of submission, I usually turn to Ephesians 5, but more recently as I mentioned above, I've been studying 1 Peter 3:1-6 and I think this passage provides a great deal of wisdom on this matter.

¹Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, ²when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. ³Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. ⁴Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. ⁵For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, ⁶like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Let's look at verses 1 & 2 first. To me, it seems as if the statement, "Wives ... be submissive to your husbands ..." just jumps off the page in bold, and I get a little tense and I forget to read the rest of the first clause. But if we reread the statement and see that it says, "Wives, IN THE SAME WAY, be submissive to your husbands ...", the phrase "in the same way" should cause us to back up and figure out what "in the same way" is referring to. And if we look back at chapter 2 of 1 Peter, we see that there's an entire section about how EVERYONE is suppose to submit to someone: "Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men ...." This includes the king, governors, and masters (in relation to slaves).

So, when we get to verse 1 in chapter 3, God's call for wives to submit to their husbands is not out of the blue, but in line with the other submission relationships that God designed and Peter mentioned in chapter 2. If we look back through scripture, we see a variety of other submission relationships as well:

• Jesus submitted to His parents (Luke 2:51)
• Demons submitted to the disciples (Luke 10:17)
• Citizens should submit to government authority (Romans 13:1 & 5, Titus 3:1, 1 Peter 2:13)
• The universe will submit to Jesus (1 Peter 3:22)
• Unseen spiritual beings submit to Jesus (1 Peter 3:22)
• Christians should submit to church leaders (1 Corinthians 16:15-16 & 1 Peter 5:5)
• The church should submit to Jesus (Ephesians 5:24)
• Servants should submit to their masters (Titus 2:9 & 1 Peter 2:18)
• Christians should submit to God (Hebrews 12:9 & James 4:7)

In David Guzik's commentary, he mentions that "None of these relations are reversed. For example, masters are never told to submit to servants, Jesus is never told to submit to the church, and so forth." (The list above is also taken from Guzik's commentary.)

And after reading through Wives Like Sarah, and the Husbands Who Honor Them by Wayne Grudem in Recovering Biblical Manhood & Womanhood and through David Guzik's commentary, we see that submission is more about the condition of our heart than an actual action. Submission is exihibited through willing obedience, but that's only a small portion of it. We must trust in our HEART that God knows what's best for us and willingly submit because He calls us to (when that submission doesn't lead us into sin -- Acts 4:19-20).

Moving on to the second half of verse 1, we see that we're suppose to "... be submissive to [our] husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives ...." I think that the later half of this verse speaks a lot about the condition of our heart. Here's a few thoughts from Guzik's commentary:

A wife's submission is a powerful expression of her trust in God. This kind of faith and obedience can accomplish great things, even without words.

Wives may want to shape their husbands -- either to Christ or in Christ -- through their words. Peter reminds them that God's plan is that wives impact their husbands not through persuasive lectures, but through godly submission, chaste conduct, and the fear of God.

There is a sense in which a wife's efforts to shape her husband through her own words and efforts may hinder the power of God's working on the husband. It is much more effective to submit God's way, demonstrating trust in Him, and to let God have his way with the husband.

Ha, I'm sure that we all can relate to these situations at one time in our marriages. As women, since we are naturally inclined to speak our mind and take control, just like Eve, it is our natural inclination to 'demand' that our husbands lead (or just sit back and watch Animal Planet) and make decisions OUR way. We, however, see where that got Eve!

Now, I'm not insinuating that we just sit back, spectate and relinquish our responsibilities as wives and mothers of the family. That's not where I'm going with this at all. God calls us to pursue wisdom so that we can build up our house (Proverbs 14:1), take our family to Jesus and encourage our husbands in the Lord. What I am saying is that if we follow the commands of 1 Peter 3:1, we're not going to impose our own agenda on our husbands. We will not be quick to open our mouth and say whatever we feel like saying. We will hold our tongue and speak wisdom when it's appropriate and participate in discussion, not lecture. And in the end, if it's not our point that is best or even if it's what our husbands deem best, we need to submit to our husbands and trust in God's plan for us in that situation.

Grudem has this to say from Recovering Biblical Manhood & Womanhood:

For a wife to be submissive to her husband will probably not often involve obeying actual commands or directives (though it will sometimes include this), for a husband may rather give requests and seek advice and discussion about the course of action to be followed. Nevertheless, a wife's attitude of submission to her husband's authority will be reflected in numerous words and actions each day that reflect deference to his leadership and acknowledgment of his final responsibility -- after discussion, whenever possible -- to make decisions affecting the whole family.

This is where it becomes very important that we are women of wisdom, not of folly (Proverbs 9:13), so that we can contribute a wealth of wisdom into the decisions that need to be made as a family AND for our own understanding of when it's important to plead for the truth and when it's best just to listen and defer to our husband. I believe this is the part of submission that takes a great deal of humility, discernment and discretion.

If we look on to verses 3 & 4, we see that our beauty should be reflected through our inner self, not through outward adornment and how that beauty is seen through "a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." If we look at this part of the verse in contrast with the loud, boisterous woman of Proverbs 9:13 that I referenced above (the opposite of pursuing wisdom), I think we can quickly see how having a gentle and quiet spirit is much more Christ-like and will be much more conducive for a submissive heart and attitude than lacking discretion and being boisterous. Having a gentle and quiet spirit is definitely not natural for me, but as I submit to God and cry out for humility, God is changing me (James 4:10). This is the only way we're going to get there!

Take some time to digest this, comment and I'll finish my thoughts and share what I'm learning in verses 5 & 6 sometime next week. In the mean time, check out Chapter 8: Liberated Through Submission of Biblical Womanhood of the Home as you grow in your understanding of godly submission ... it's pretty insightful.

Godly Womanhood is INTENSE!

Over the last few days, I feel like being the godly woman that the Lord calls me to be is way too intense for me to handle. Hourly surrendering my thoughts and emotions to the Lord to make them obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5), being a good listener so that I can love my husband well, manage our household, and care for and train our 10-month-old. The days have been so long lately! I'm sure that if I looked at any of these responsibilities at another time, I would say, "What's the big deal?" But right now, everything seems heavy. And when I'm realistic about it, it's because I'm seeking the Lord on the "what" of my role -- what am I suppose to be doing as a godly woman? -- and not the "how" of my role too -- how do I manage all of these responsibilities in a healthy manner!

I posted a week or so ago about how God was using me in a practical way to help my husband, and in that post I said, "This also shows me that being a helper requires a lot of study and intimate time with the Lord." So, in actuality I'm prophetic (not really), but I knew the solution to my problem before it even happened. But I've been so busy knocking out punch-list items for our house renovation (to ease the burden from my husband), that I haven't taken time out to sit myself down at Jesus' feet and allow his strength to carry me.

Matthew 11:28-30 says this:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

And although this verse may seem straightforward, I need to be careful that I don't overlook Jesus' commands for me here. He says, "COME to me," not sit back and wait. He says, "TAKE my yoke upon you and LEARN from me," not wait for it to be given to me (by accepting Christ's grace, He has already given his yoke to me ... I just need to reach out and take it!), and he says learn from me ... that means I need to immerse myself in scripture and diligently pray. How else am I going to learn? If we look back at the life of a disciple in Jesus' day, their diligence and study was anything but casual! In fact, in Greek, the word disciple means an adherent of a particular teacher, and it was the task of a disciple to learn, study, and pass along the sayings and teachings of the master.

When I stop for a moment and realize the contrast between the life that God calls me to live and the life that society deems acceptable and even successful, I can very easily see why that life looks so appealing to women: Do what's best for you. Do whatever you need to do to succeed; it's you're right! Do what feels good ... and the list goes on. That road seems like the easier of the two to travel on. But when I read scripture and see the joy that God gives when we live the life that He has called us to, I see true beauty and fulfillment there, and I believe that it's worth the discipline to get there! We see examples of this in Sarah's life (1 Peter 3:1-6) and in the woman in Proverbs 31 (Proverbs 31:28-31).

Tis the Time for Self-Control

I'm amazed ... yet again! It seems just as I begin studying something, God decides to show me that concept over and over again in several different ways. Today's concept is self-control. Well, I first stumbled upon it in Atlanta as I was reading chapter 4 in Feminine Appeal, The Safety of Self-Control, where Mahaney unpacks the truths of Titus 2:3-5:

3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

(The whole book focuses on these 3 verses, but this chapter specifically discusses self-control.)

When I typically think of self-control, I think of my actions and my speech, but rarely before now have I thought of my thoughts and emotions as areas where I need to have self-control. I commented about this in relation to Anna's post on Monday. Now, as this concept is beginning to settle and take root in my mind, I continue to stumble across it:

• Metro Mom's Blog: Feelings ... Woe ... Woe ... Woe
• Radical Womanhood: Make Every Effort to be Self-Controlled and Steadfast
  

I'm guessing this is a concept that God really wants me to learn. Here are some key points that stood out about it in Feminine Appeal:

Mahaney says, "What we allow to govern our feelings and occupy our thinking will sooner or later determine our behavior. Sinful thoughts and sinful feelings lead to sinful behavior. Therefore, we dare not ignore these faculties, but must exercise self-control in them.

This is why we must heed 2 Corinthians 10:5 where Paul commands us to, "take every thought captive to obey Christ."

Mahaney also says, "We must understand that our feelings are not authoritative. Just because we feel something doesn't make it true. Our feelings are either ruled by truth or ruled by sin. Therefore, we need to discover what is ruling our feelings to determine if they are accurate or inaccurate -- righteous or sinful."

As women, I believe that this is an area where we struggle a lot. For most of us, we're very emotional beings and we can easily allow Satan to use our thoughts, feelings and emotions as a foothold to convince ourselves of things contrary to God. Darn it, estrogen! I believe this is why the idea of self-control is included in Titus 2:5 and as one of the fruits of the Spirit in Galations 5:23.These are the truths we need to cling to and realize in our lives so that sin won't take hold of us in this area.

Me, a Helper?

I am in awe of God's timing! Just when I need to understand what it means to be a godly helper the most, God has given me his divine wisdom through scripture and the most recent books that I've been reading -- Biblical Womanhood in the Home and Feminine Appeal.

Toward the end of last week, my husband called me from work and was overly anxious about decisions we have made on the house that we're renovating. (Our loan agreements are final, we have all permits, and our contractor began demolition 2 weeks ago.) But, he felt like the Holy Spirit was calling us to a different plan than what our signed contract indicates ... and he was beyond anxious.

When presented with this situation, I wasn't at loss for what to do by any means ... I don't even think I would have been if I wasn't currently studying what it means to be a godly woman, he's my husband of course ... but with God's commands for me at the forefront of my mind, I was assured that I knew how to love and support my husband the way the Lord needed me to in this situation. I was to reassure him that I loved him, that God loves him even more and I needed to encourage him, pray for and pray with him, and come alongside him; remind him of God's truth and promises in scripture to provide for us. Here are some of things that God had me share with him:

God is sovereign and all-powerful. Nothing is too hard for him (Jeremiah 32:17). He tells us to cry out to him and cast our burdens on him (Psalms 55:22). This is truth! Remember how God, in the form of a cloud, guided the Israelites through the desert day and night? He will do this for us too! See Exodus 13:21.

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. -- Isaiah 43:1

As I sent these truths to him in an email, I was in awe at how perfectly this action followed my job description as his helper. It was amazing to be used by God in this way and to be able to take my husband to the feet of Jesus, and remind him of God's promises. My husband was in awe at how God was using me and I knew it was divine!

This situation, more than any thing else ever before, has reassured me that God's design for me as an aspiring godly woman is perfect, and that if I can submit myself to the Lord to follow His lead and be the helper that my husband needs, we will experience REAL life and only grow more and more into the marriage that God has in mind for us!

This also shows me that being a helper requires a lot of study and intimate time with the Lord. I need to know God so that I can discern his voice and effectively take my husband to the Lord when it is required of me. And how can I be an effective sounding board when my husband needs to run ideas by me or share his concerns if I am not immersed in His Word? And how can I remind him of God's truths if I don't believe them myself and pray over them for him and myself daily?

There's quite a bit more to be worked out in this situation, but I trust that the Lord will be faithful to us in his call. I hope to share more as the situation progresses.

Homemaking

Over the past few weeks, I've run into some good blog posts about homemaking and it's place within a woman's job description as a godly wife and mother (Proverbs 31). As I've seen these posts surface, I've also heard that a few friends of mine have had some difficulty putting this part of their role into perspective and understanding it's place in their life. So, to continue helping these friends and to begin to compile some of these great resources, here are a few of the great posts I've found:

• A Homemaker's Dilemma: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6
• Homemaking Internship
• Studying Housework
  

If you know of others, please don't hesitate to share!

More Thoughts On Being a Helper

I just finished the chapter on How to Raise Feminine Daughters by Susan Hunt in Biblical Womanhood of the Home, and as Hunt focused on the ways to raise daughters well, she highlighted the characteristics we mothers need to have in order to train our daughters to be godly, feminine women. (I don't have a daughter yet, but if the Lord chooses to bless me with one, I'm eager for the challenge.)

In Hunt's discussion, she touches on these points in relation to women as helpers:

"The helper design of the woman brought a completeness to the garden home [Eden] that received God's pronouncement, 'It is very good.'"

Hunt also mentions several references to 'helper' in scripture ...

• Exodus 18:4: God as Moses' Helper
  
• Psalms 10:14, 72:12 and 86:17: God is the Helper of the victim, the fatherless, the needy, and the afflicted
• Psalms 20:2, 28:7, 33:20: God is referred to as our Helper who is our support, strength, and shield.

Hence, these references to 'helper' do not depict the word as one of fragility, but one of defense, comfort, and compassion! (Here's a few more practical ways to understand what it means to be a helper.)

And finally, Hunt explains that in Psalms 146, the words help (ezer) and hope are linked together. And she says, from an excerpt from her book, By Design:

Help apart from hope is superficial and temporary....The woman who can give authentic help is the one who has come to a place of hopelessness in self that drives her to God's Word where she finds her 'help is the God of Jacob,' and her 'hope is in the Lord.' She is qualified to help others because she has an eternal relationship with the Lord and she is SATURATED (emphasis added) with His Word. She points them to the only viable Object of hope by directing them to the only veritable Source of hope. This is authentic help.

Can you imagine if we were to help our husbands in this way? Like I mentioned the other day about how we should help our husbands to Jesus like the men did with the paralytic in Mark 2:1-22 ... what if we did it with such humility and confidence in the Lord that everything in us 'points them to the only viable Object of hope'? How awesome would that be? (Hunt's example and explanation of helper encompasses our helping ability toward our husband, but also to others around us too, but for the purpose of our ongoing discussion of how we can be a helper to our husband, I'm going to keep the focus on our husbands.)

And ultimately, as Hunt explains further, the woman that she explains above is the REDEEMED helper. The woman who will "defend her family and the covenant family [fellow believers] on her knees ...." So, one additional quality of a helper, a redeemed helper, that we need to add to our ongoing list of helper characteristics is that of a prayer warrior!

Practical Ways to Be a Helper

Earlier in the week I explored somewhat of what it means to be a helper to our husbands and since then, I've been contemplating what that looks like practically. Based on what Barbara Hughes says in Biblical Womanhood in the Home about being a helper and following the steps of the Holy Spirit, the ultimate helper, we are to: 1) Encourage, 2) Comfort, 3) Come Alongside, and 4) Help.

When thinking about ways to encourage & come alongside my husband, I can easily see how that attempt could transpire into nagging, suggesting, reminding or mothering -- all tendencies that we women excel in at times -- but instead, what would it look like if I just took my husband to Jesus in the way that I encourage him? If we look at Mark 2:1-12, we see the beautiful faith of the men who brought the paralytic to Jesus. They even cut a hole in the roof of the house Jesus was teaching in and lowered him down ... what a scene that would have made! I'm not saying that our husbands are incapable of walking to Jesus like the paralytic, but one way that we can encourage our husbands is to take them to Jesus when they're not thinking about it, when they can't or they just need us to help them. This is one way we can demonstrate and grow our faith in Jesus' ability to lead us and our husbands. In verse 5, we see how faith plays out: "When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven." Not, men who brought you to me, your sins are forgiven ... but you, paralytic, the one who couldn't even walk to me on your own, YOUR sins are forgiven. How amazing!

Practically, I think this means that we pray for our husbands individually and alongside them ... that God would daily transform them into the godly men that He desires them to be, that they would have the strength and ability to lead their families to Jesus well and exhibit the traits of godly men to their families and others in their circle of influence. And gently and lovingly speak the truth of scripture to them and just plain love them! (Love them, duh ... but we need to remember to love our husbands for who they are, not what we want them to become and without letting our selfish desires get in the way!)

Let's try this out and see what happens!

Check out some of these creative suggestions at girltalk to see how prayer and just loving our husbands can be lived out each day! (These suggestions were made based on a series they were doing on 'Doing Your Husband Good' from Proverbs 31:12.)

Chick Flicks and Unreasonable Expectations

I just read a blog post from Radical Womanhood this afternoon, You've Got Lies: Chick Flicks and the World's Approach to Men & Marriage. After reading it, it made me think of my recent commentary on The Women and other chick flicks that I browse through on TV. I'm not saying not to watch these films, but as the summer flood of chick flicks come out, we should definitely wave the cautionary flag and think through what we're watching and how it lines up to God's standard so that we're not whisked away by culture's carriage and unreasonable expectations for our marriages, husbands or even husband-to-bes.

Here's a link to the original article that Carolyn McCulley wrote about in Radical Womanhood: http://www.capitolhillbaptist.org/wp-content/uploads/youve_got_lies.pdf.

Taking It Back to Jesus

My husband and I had the opportunity to attend a very great conference this past week, Advance09, that was geared to help the local church re-center back on the Gospel. The speakers delivered very powerful messages about the truth of Jesus' Church, and I believe the conference will make a lasting impression on the hearts of those who attended and an impact on the advancement of the Gospel in the local churches in the Southeast! Praise God!

Although the conference was very much directed at the condition of the local church, it also delivered much truth to my heart, the condition that it's in and reminded me of the great love that the Father has for me (I need this every day!). As I was reflecting on the conference, I had a few revelations that I believe are pertinent in my pursuit to become a godly woman. Here are my thoughts:

Scripture says to always put the Lord before me .... If I'm honest, I don't. I can very easily put a task like acquiring knowledge about the Lord or about how He would like for me to live ABOVE the Lord himself. I obviously seek God in the process, but, if I'm honest, I'm only seeking God to acquire the knowledge. My pursuit to become a godly woman, wife and mother isn't a bad thing, but when that pursuit becomes supreme over "knowing God," it becomes a problem (Exodus 20:4-5). Scripture says that this is idolatry! Yikes! Normally when I think of idolatry, I think of the golden calf that the Israelites built when they were impatient when Moses was up on the mountain with God getting the Ten Commandments. I don't usually think of it as something inanimate like knowledge. But an idol can be anything that we worship aside from the Living God of the Universe ... even if it seems 'godly.' If it takes God's place in our daily priorities and in our pursuit of worship, it's an idol. (2 Kings 17:35-39)

Now, I wouldn't say that I 'worship' knowledge, but the pursuit of knowledge does take priority over my pursuit of God at times and that's wrong! Therefore, I need to REPENT and alter my thinking and practice. Pursue God with all that I am (my means, my goal) and through that pursuit, He will show me what it looks like to be a 'woman' after his own heart.

Reading books and studying isn't a bad thing if it points me to Jesus and to a greater understanding of who He is and what He calls me to be. But that study just can't take the spotlight away from Jesus! And I believe it's time for me to get back to the Psalms (this is where I started at the beginning of the year in effort to better learn how to pray)! This is where we find David, and although his life was marred and scandalous, God still chose to use him -- he was even in the lineage of Christ -- to do remarkable things for His kingdom and at the end of his life he was considered to be 'a man after God's own heart.' What a title! What if I could be 'a woman after His own heart'?

God longs for me to pursue Him, to pray to Him and to glorify Him. That is why He made me (Isaiah 43:7). I am a creature of worship and every ounce of that worship should be extolled on Him! (1 Chronicles 16:7-36)