Gone for a while, but not forever ...

Oh my ... it's been awhile since I've been on Mark of Beauty. With the busyness of Christmas, a move, the new year, and settling into a new house, blogging has not been a priority. (Lack of Internet connectivity can do it too!) But even in the midst of all that's been going on, God continues to be gracious to me and has continued to teach me about Himself and how this broken woman can pursue godliness through the gift of grace that He allowed His son to bestow on me. So needless to say, I still have much to share on Mark of Beauty and plan to bring you up to speed on the latest books I'm reading, scripture I'm studying and phenomenal truths I'm learning.

Believe it or not, I did have time to finally finish Womanly Dominion by Mark Chanski ... I finished the last 5 pages yesterday, and I'm beginning a pretty long, but profound read God, Marriage and Family right now.

I teetered back and forth on Womanly Dominion, trying to figure out if I liked it or not, but now that I've read the entire book, I do think that the book as a whole is great. Chanski's entire premise was to live out God's call for us to "rule and subdue the earth" as women and do so within the perimeters of God's design with a "win it attitude" and not in the way that the world has designed for us. In doing this, he showcases several great women of the Bible and other women throughout history, such as Jonathan Edward's mother, the Wesley's mother and so on, to demonstrate that it can be done. (There's a lot of other good 'meat' but that's the basic premise.)

Another point that Chanski makes that was really profound was that even when we feel like wifehood and motherhood is not glamorous and not the life that is portrayed in the movies, it's a life that God has ordained for us to call us to Himself and to transform us into His own image:

Meet Diana. By age 24, this slender, bright, and beautiful young woman was a newlywed with a BA in Speech Communication and a BS in Education. She loved her husband and the prospects of wifehood and motherhood. At the age of 25, Diana gave birth to a son. About two years later, she birthed a second son. At first the novelties of motherhood and homemaking were quite exhiliterating. She felt blessed by the Lord to be living her fondest dreams.

But soon the exhilaration wore off. Every morning, she faced dirty diapers, runny noses, food messes, temper tantrums, discipline problems, clothing piles, and kitchen clutter. Another son was born. Claustrophobic with cabin fever and boredom doldrums, she sighed, 'Any twelve-year-old could wash these dishes, wipe these fannies, mop that floor, and pour these Cheerios onto this high chair tray.'

Her mind often drifted back to her high school and college years. 'Back then, I was the center of my world. I decided what I wanted to do for myself. My decisions were based on what would please and broaden me. People applauded me on the stage, commended me for my well-delivered speeches, and discussed with me my future goals and aspirations in life. I enjoyed expressing my creativity in the classroom, discussing profound literary themes with my students, and checking off my responsibilities on each day's challenging to-do list.

But it's not about me anymore.

Her years in the feminism-infested current had given her glamorous dreams of personal glory.

Years later, Diana, who now has five children, admits, 'I was in mild rebellion against God. And I stayed there for a while, until I saw those wants for what they really are -- the display of my idolatrous, selfish, sinful pride. It was only when I took those deep personal longings and put them on the alter of consecration to God that I began to make spiritual headway.'

Meditations on her Savior burned away her rebellion and brought peace to her soul. In the garden of Gethsemane, the Lord Jesus looked into the appalling cup of self-sacrifice that His Father had poured for Him. He staggered at the thought of drinking it down to its last painful dregs. Instead of resentfully protesting, 'What am I, chopped liver?' He submitted saying, 'Father, if Thou art willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Thine be done' (Luke 22:42).

It's my understanding that every biblically committed wife and mother must pass through a personal Gethsemane of sorts, needing to come to grips with the cup her Father has poured for her.

Think dear sister, how the Lord Jesus selflessly served you. He laid down His life to make you look good. He laid it down on crucifixion day, so that you'd look good on judgment day. He was spat upon, beaten, scourged, mocked, stripped, spiked, hung, and forsaken. Then He breathed His last so that you wouldn't have to forever weep, wail, and gnash your teeth in hell. He was born, lived, and died with the sole object that you would look good forever. Could it be that this wifehood and motherhood thing is calling you to higher ground, conforming you more to His glorious image?

Wow! Thank you Mark Chanski for that kick in the butt back to reality. Life is not about me. It never was meant to be about me, and I need to live each day for Jesus, regardless of life's season, in a way that brings honor, glory and thanksgiving to Jesus.

If you're looking for a good, but challenging read (meaning that it may challenge a lot of what you believe, but always bring the arguments and challenges back to scripture), pick up Womanly Dominion.

Mary, a Woman Used by God

As I reflect on Christmas, I think it's interesting to go back and look at Mary, an ordinary woman who God used to do extraordinary things!

Chapter 4: A Portrait of a Woman Used By God in Biblical Womanhood in the Home discusses this well. Enjoy!

True Woman | True Woman Videos: "We're all feminists"

I stumbled across this video today and think it's a great perspective on feminism. Enjoy!
True Woman | True Woman Videos: "We're all feminists"

Body Image

Do any of you receive the Proverbs 31 Ministries' Encouragement for Today emails? Well, my mom does and she shared this one with me on Friday. I think it hits home for most of us, regardless of our age or how many kids (or not) we've had, and it's is a fantastic reminder that we are God's daughters. God created every inch of our bodies and He thinks we're beautiful.

There's obviously a certain level of care we need to take with our bodies because they're not our own, they're a temple for the Holy Spirit, but when we become obsessive and elevate body image over God and make it our idol, we're truly missing the mark.

Jesus extends grace upon grace to us and has already freed us from that bondage on the cross. So, we just need to accept that grace and pursue Jesus with our lives and allow Him to be our measure of beauty and not our own expectations or those that we perceive from the world.

Here's the Body Image email from Proverbs 31 Ministries, written by T. Suzanne Eller. Thought you ladies would enjoy it:

"Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now." 1 Corinthians 13:12 (NLT)

I walked by the mirror in the department store. I stopped, backed up, and took a second look. Was that really me? I was nearly nine months pregnant with twins and looked like Mrs. Potato Head. My arms and legs stuck out of a huge protruding stomach. My belly button looked like a cork ready to pop!

A few days later Ryan and Melissa arrived. I loved my babies! But as the months passed, I didn't love my body with all its stretch marks and a baby bump that remained no matter how hard I tried to get rid of them.

Flash forward twenty-five years. Melissa loves to serve as Mom's fashionista, and tries to keep me up with the times. One day she and I were shopping for a pair of jeans and she'd picked out a couple of things she wanted me to try on. She knocked on the door of the dressing room. "Let me in, Mom."

I cracked open the door. "I'll be out in a minute, hon."

She frowned. Later she confronted me. "Mom, you were hiding your stomach, weren't you? I don't get it. You just need to get over it."

How many times have I met a truly beautiful woman and complemented her, only to hear her say, "Well, thank you, but I need to lose five pounds," or "I'm having a crazy hair day," or "Did you see that woman over there, now she's beautiful." What I saw was a smile that was warm and welcoming, or beautiful hazel eyes that were filled with compassion, or a woman who was frugal and fabulous. My complements were sincere, but fell flat as she f ocused on her flaws instead.
My conversation with Melissa that day reminded me that I was doing the same thing. Worse, I was modeling this behavior in front of my daughter.

The truth is that I'm healthy. I have given birth to three beautiful children. And more importantly, I'm God's girl. I'm beautifully made in His image. That's a fact etched on my heart and my mind.

Now if only someone would remind my mouth.

In Bible times ancient mirrors were polished metal, easily tarnished, and the reflection was hard to see. If a woman had a flaw, she had to rely on her friends or sisters to give her a head's up.
But today we can scope out our features in detail with three-way mirrors or a 5x-, 10x-, or even 15x magnified mirror where every pore and every flaw is magnified! Too often, those mirrors are reminders of the cultural message of what beauty is - or is not.

But what would happen if we focused on the mirror Paul is talking about in 1 Corinthians 13:12 instead? The more we get to know God, the clearer things become. We stop checking out our own image and discover more about Him. That helps us see the bigger picture—5X-, 10X-, and maybe even 15X magnified!

And there's a bonus. The more we get to know Him, the more others see us through His reflection.

Now, that's real beauty.

Dear God, I am made in Your image. I matter to You. Make me wise. Let me be grateful for physical healthy. Will You join me as I pursue joy, wisdom, peace, and selflessness? I want to look like You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Defined By God, Not Culture

The Council on Biblical Manhood & Womanhood posted a neat article on their blog yesterday as they looked back over the Time stories that came out last month on the state of women today. The blog post is an encouraging reminder that we need to define ourselves according to Jesus and not culture.

Have a read: http://www.cbmw.org/Blog/Posts/More-on-the-State-of-the-American-Woman.

Godly Women on Mission

A few weeks ago at the women's ministry meeting at church a woman brought up a fabulous question about pursuing godly womanhood in regards to missionality. She asked if it was appropriate that once we begin to understand what God's call is for us as women, that we begin to live it out in a way that affects women who don't know Jesus yet -- use what we know to help other women love their families well, respect their husbands, and bring up their children in the ways of the Lord. And yes, that couldn't be more appropriate! This does, however, seem like a daunting task because it seems like it would take so long just to communicate Jesus to the woman (at least that's how I feel at times), and it would take even longer to influence her in such a way that she wants to shape her life around Jesus and build her family on Jesus. But what am I thinking, Jesus is in control ... all we have to do is TRUST him. He's the one with the power to do all things, so why shouldn't we be pursuing other women in this way so that they not only come to know Jesus themselves, but introduce their family to him as well!

I began thinking about this again after studying Mark 6:30-44. (Yes, I know this passage is about feeding the five thousand, but hang with me.) The verse that really did it for me was verse 37:

But he answered, "You give them something to eat."
They said to him, "That would take eight months of a man's wages! Are we to go and spend that much on bread and give it to them to eat?"

Here, we see that when Jesus presented a need to the disciples (feed five thousand people), they automatically thought that Jesus wanted them to take care of the situation in their own strength. Most of the time, this would be my reaction too. If we go back to my initial point about loving other women well who don't know Jesus, I would naturally think, "Ok Lord, I see that you want me to build a relationship with __________. But wow, that's going to take a lot of time and maybe money to invest in her. I don't know if I have that to give, but I'll see what I can do." Hmm, sounds similar to the disciples response, huh?

But as the passage continues, we see that Jesus instructs them, graciously and compassionately, on how to take care of the need. He doesn't require them to spend the eight-months wage (money they don't have) or even buy the food needed to feed the people. He doesn't even say, "Of course not, I'll take care of it." Rather, he simply instructs them on how to go about taking care of the need (Mark 6: 38-44).

This particularly struck me because our financial situation has changed dramatically in the past year since I chose to follow God's call for me and stay at home with my son full time, causing us to "lose" an income, and then even more so since my husband followed God's lead and changed jobs. (I'm not complaining, but I'm just being honest about where we are. In fact, I know with certainty that the Lord is using this time to challenge me and my false securities so that I begin to give everything to Him!) But after reading this passage, my response to live missionality or even generously with other women around me shouldn't be based on money at all. Jesus is very clear about that in this passage. He's basically saying, "It's not about what you can give at all. It's about trusting in ME to fulfill that need. My spirit lives within you and enables you to do the work that only I can do (1 Corinthians 12:4-7). Just trust me and believe!" If that need requires money, God will provide. If it requires time, God will help us re-prioritize our day to give more time. Etc.

Of course the Bible is also very clear that everything belongs to Jesus anyway (Psalm 24:1, Psalm 50:12, Haggai 2:8) -- our time, our money, our possessions ... everything! So when we think about giving those things, they aren't really ours to give anyway. We're only stewards of those things -- be it a lot of money or a little -- and we should give it back to the Lord willingly in response to the grace he's shown us. I believe this is a different conversation, but one that requires us to place our trust in Jesus as well. If we trust Jesus with our whole lives, our only response should be, "It's all yours Jesus, do with it as you want. Thanks for using me in the process!"

And when it all boils down, regardless of our financial situation or schedule, we should be able to say that Jesus is enough ... period, and allow that truth alone to compel us to change our cities for Him, regardless of the cost!

If you want to explore stewardship a bit more, Deuteronomy 8:17-18 and 1 Corinthians 4:7 are good places to start.

God's Best for Single Women

Are you a single woman who is looking for sound theology on what your current life season should look like as you pursue the Lord and His plans for you? I'm in the process of digging into some resources and learning more about godly singleness (whether that's a place of longing to marry one day or if it's God's life call) to help strengthen that area of Mark of Beauty, and I stumbled across Boundless Webzine. It's a resource from Focus on the Family and it looks like the creator, Candace Watters (and her husband), collaborates with many of the women whom I look to for sound resources on godly womanhood, so this looks to be a solid find. As I was scrolling through the list of topics that this webzine covers, I found a nice handful of articles on singleness. To dive in, follow the link and scroll down to recent articles. I haven't read them all yet, but just by browsing through some of them and the titles and descriptions of others, it looks like there's some good stuff here.

For instance, here's a great point that Suzanne Hadley makes in her article, Vessel of Honor:

So how can we adopt a balanced view of God's intention for marriage and singleness?

First we must realize that God's will for people isn't dependent on marital status. Both faithful marriage and chaste singleness proclaim God. Marriage is an earthly reflection of the union with Christ and other believers awaiting us in heaven. Celibate singleness declares that ultimate union by forgoing sexual union on earth for a season — or, in special cases, for a lifetime.

Ephesians 5:25-27 says:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

By loving their spouses devotedly, married men and women demonstrate on a small scale Christ's love for the church. And by keeping themselves pure, singles express the significance of Christ's coming union with His church (a moment fraught with such greatness that the trials of denying the flesh in this life pale in comparison). In both states — singleness and marriage — a believer reflects Christ through a lifestyle of self-giving.

At this time, I do that by serving the people God has placed in my life — friends, the kids in my Sunday school class, my housemate. In the future, I may fulfill this calling by serving a husband and children. Now I minister as an individual; in the future, I may minister through a family unit. In both states, my life testifies to God's miraculous plan as I pour it out for His use.

I think this is right on and worth exploring more deeply. If you have the time to read any of this stuff -- more from Suzanne Hadley or from other authors featured in this section in the Boundless Webzine -- I would challenge you to go for it. Feel free to leave a comment and let us know how the reading goes.